Caramel Shortcake Bites

Brand: Thorntons

Cost: £1.69

Found at: Tesco

Why yes, I’m glad you asked. As it happens, I am buying these shortcake bites to share. In fact, I am bringing them to tea with my elegant and sophisticated friends (of whom I have many). Truth be told, I worry that 10 may be too few for such lavish and well-attended party – so numerous are my acquaintances. Isn’t it weird to think how some women (though I’m sure not any that I would know) might buy the whole pack of these and eat them alone at home while watching Grey Gardens? It must be so weird for them to sit in front of their laptops, trying to remember exactly what the shortcake reminds them of (its graham crackers) while brainstorming how best to style Little Edie’s sweater-as-miniskirt look for the 2020s. Not me, though. As I said before, my well-connected friends and I will be too busy lounging around our tasteful venue, each savoring only one of these sweet, soft little trifles of chocolate, caramel, and buttery shortcake. After all, after one, how could we possibly be hungry for a second?

Oh yes? This on my head? Well, I’m glad you asked: you see, it’s actually a sweater vest, but if you pin it in the back…