Cost: 54 yen
Found At: Daiso
When I was in middle school, one of the most popular ways to pass the time was to discuss “dream guys.” Never mind that our idea of romance came from 90s rom-coms that we would later disavow – or that in a few years many of them would realize that their dream guys were not guys at all. Daydreaming about boys was what we were supposed to do as 13-year-old girls, and so we did it. But even then, I struggled to come up with a definition of a “perfect guy” – I suppose I was really just too narcissistic to notice character traits in other people. Or maybe it’s because my soulmate was not a man at all. It was a chocolate bar.
Take a chocolate orange, melt it down, and throw some crispy rice on it and you have yourself chocolate bar perfection. It’s as if some Greek deity looked into my heart and saw everything that I love in a candy – chocolate, orange, crispy, cheap – and then molded that chocolate out of some celestial ambrosia and sent it down to the dollar store. And as if that weren’t enough, they threw a blue dinosaur on the packaging. I never believed in true love until this moment.
Sorry, boyfriend Emil.