Frosted Mince Pies

Brand: Mr Kipling Found at: Tesco  Cost: £1.50   Mince pies were described by my Glaswegian co-worker as a UK staple that has staunchly resisted globalization. And this, I think, is largely an issue of branding. When I hear the word mince pie, I think of ground meat. When any normal person hears the word... Continue Reading →

Orkney Thin Oatcakes

Brand: Stockan’s Cost: £0.60 Found at: Sainsbury’s   On the minus side, these flat oat crackers taste and look like starchy cardboard. On the plus side, they are an amazing base for cream cheese. And while I usually judge snacks on their own merits alone, with these quarter-circles of blandness I feel weirdly compelled to... Continue Reading →

Lemon Scottish Shortbread Rounds

Brand: Morrison’s Cost: £1.60 Found at: Morrison’s   After three weeks, IKEA finally delivered my teapot. It was one of those objects that I thought I could live without but after a week I caved, realizing that I am indeed the kind of basic bitch that needed a teapot. I never have been very good... Continue Reading →

Balsamic Vinegar of Modena Kettle Chips

Brand: Kettle Cost: £0.90 Found at: Sainsbury’s   Being ladies of great refinement and taste, cruelly underfinanced for the lavish lifestyle to which we wish we could become accustomed, several female classmates and I took decided to visit Pollok house for the weekend to bask in a state of refinement. The house itself is a... Continue Reading →

Dark Chocolate Digestives

Brand: McVitie’s Cost: £1.50 Found at: Morrisons   We live in a time where I can access the combined knowledge of humanity from my cozy bedroom; a time of facial recognition, virtual reality, 3D printing, robotic surgery, privatized space travel, cryptocurrency, drones, and a thousand podcasts about serial killers. And yet somehow, in this amazing,... Continue Reading →

Luxury Scotch Egg

Brand: Sainsbury’s Cost: £1.35 Found at: Sainsbury’s I don’t know what makes this luxury. The packaging is a little fancier, and there is a little more deep-fried ground pork around my boiled egg, but it is not as if I bit in and thought I’d won the lottery. It tastes exactly the same as a... Continue Reading →

Scotch Egg

This is an egg, wrapped in ground pork, breaded, and deep-fried. I love it. The name of the game is cholesterol and I am HERE TO WIN. There is not much seasoning, but it turns out that seasoning is not necessary: with enough pork fat and salt, there is plenty of flavor to go around.... Continue Reading →

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