Brand: Cadbury

Cost: £1

Found at: Iceland


I went to a liberal arts school and got myself a liberal arts degree. If drinks the Cool-Aid about cross-disciplinary collaboration, it’s me. Medical students should learn about anthropology, art history students should learn about chemistry, and philosophy students should be taken outside periodically and made to experience the sunlight.

But biologists need to stay away from confectionary because whatever happened here, I’m certain a biologist is to blame.

I’ve encountered this type of chocolate before. It’s a European creation that I do not understand. Imagine a long sheet of chocolate that has been folded and twisted over itself and then covered in more chocolate. The result looks very much like the inside of a bone or a mitochondrion: the surface area of the chocolate has been maximized in a nature-inspired design that any TED talk would be proud to showcase.

What I taste, however, is chocolate with air filling. It turns out, that the surface of chocolate is the worst part. For say, a human brain, maximizing surface area allows for greater processing power. For chocolate, this maximizes the amount of oxidation that can happen. For a desert hare, more surface area allows it to keep cool in hot weather. For this chocolate, it means that the chocolate does not melt well in your mouth – staying chalky and solid as you chew through it.

I’ve tried any number of methods to figure out what makes this chocolate good: I’ve used it as a straw. I’ve eaten it next to the radiator. I’ve even tried microwaving it. Nothing seems to counteract the unpalatable effects of its design. Had I taken more science classes, I would certainly have a more nuanced understanding of the effects I am experiencing. As I stuck to the humanities, however, all I can say is that I did not enjoy it.

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