Brand: Perfetti

Cost: 60p

Found at: Tesco


Everyone knows that the pink starbursts are the best, the yellow starbursts are the worst, and the rest are just filler between the two. Fruit-Tella is only the pink starbursts. It is the Justified, to Starburst’s Celebrity – all Justin Timberlake, with none of the rest of NSYNC to weigh him down.


Actually, this is a bald-faced lie. Not about the candy – these are great – but I actually have no real frame of reference for early 2000s boy bands, as I was never that cool in middle school. But that’s never stopped me pretending before (#fakeittillyoumakeit) so here are some more music analogies that I have no place making:


Fruit-Tella is the Beyonce to Starburst’s Destiny’s Child

The Michael to Starburst’s Jackson 5

The Neil Young to Starburst’s Buffalo Springfield

The Paul Simon to Starburst’s Simon and Garfunkel

The Mozart to, I guess, the rest of Mozart’s Starburst family


In short, Fruit-Tella is only the best.


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