Found at: Coop
I am not someone who should be giving advice. My life is a collection of classic blunders based on fundamentally flawed logic. That being said, if forced against my better judgement to give advice, I would give the following:
- Do not go running.
- If you do go running, do not end your run in a grocery store.
I give this advice after leaving my home comfortable and returning home both uncomfortable and with $25 of fruit and flavored waters.
If I had any doubts about my status as a Middle-Class White Woman™, I now know for sure that I am finally ready to sign up for Pilates classes and sneak chia seeds into everything I eat. Why fight destiny, after all?
But despite the dire implications to my future minivan ownership, I really do like these flavored waters. The hint of fruit is extremely refreshing, the carbonation is light and pleasant, and the 18thcentury portrait of Johan Jacob Döbelius on the label makes me feel that my gently flavored peach-orange carbonated beverage has the weight of history behind it. I’m also intrigued by the long list of minerals listed down the side of the bottle, as if I am taking the waters at an expensive and exclusive health spa. Do I need 54 mg of sulfate? I have no idea – but I can certainly feel a difference in my hysteria, brain fever, and gout – so it must be doing me some good.
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