Malt Loaf

Brand: Soreen

Cost: £1.05

Found at: Tesco

The 13th-century serf in me is in heaven. Finally, the snack that captures the culinary tour-de-force of buttered bread. It is truly the sushi of Europe: so simple, so elegant, so delicate. And so overpriced. For £1.05, you get two credit-card-sized pieces of chewy molasses bread, and between them, about a half teaspoon of butter. You could make this at home for literally pennies so Soreen must be making an absolute killing on idiots like me who buy it, prepared and pre-packaged from the store. But what can I say? My olde peasant stock knows what it likes, and it likes super soft, chewy, molasses-y bread and rich salty butter. With taste like that, it’s a miracle we ever made it off the lord’s estate.