Jumbo Sausage Roll

Brand: UK British Pork

Cost: £1

Found at: Sainsbury’s


This sausage roll has all the flavor of an unseasoned, grey tube of meat wrapped in dry puff pastry. Because that is what it is. A grey, flavorless cylinder of pork off-cuts that has been unceremoniously shoved into a stale pie curst package. Where is the flavor, Britain? What happened to you that you would accept this as food? This is what an AI would make if you described the sausage roll to it – it looks like food, it sounds like food, but no one in their right mind would eat it. It’s some UK nonsense.

I miss corn dogs.

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