Peach Orange Carbonated Water

Brand: Pirrig

Cost: 10.95KR

Found at: Coop

I am not someone who should be giving advice. My life is a collection of classic blunders based on fundamentally flawed logic. That being said, if forced against my better judgment to give advice, I would give the following:

1. Do not go running.

2. If you do go running, do not end your run in a grocery store.

I give this advice after leaving my home comfortable and returning home both uncomfortable and with $25 of fruit and flavored waters.

If I had any doubts about my status as a Middle-Class White Woman™, I now know for sure that I am finally ready to sign up for Pilates classes and sneak chia seeds into everything I eat. Why fight destiny, after all?

But despite the dire implications to my future minivan ownership, I really do like these flavored waters. The hint of fruit is extremely refreshing, the carbonation is light and pleasant, and the 18th-century portrait of Johan Jacob Döbelius on the label makes me feel that my gently flavored peach-orange carbonated beverage has the weight of history behind it. I’m also intrigued by the long list of minerals listed down the side of the bottle as if I am taking the waters at an expensive and exclusive health spa. Do I need 54 mg of sulfate? I have no idea – but I can certainly feel a difference in my hysteria, brain fever, and gout – so it must be doing me some good.