Vitamin Lemon – Citric Acid and Royal Jelly

Brand: House

Cost: 145 yen

Found At: 7-11

Yes, it is that time of the year again, when the children come to school with a variety of new and exciting illnesses for my immune system to try out. This kid has a fever, that kid has a cough, these kids have a headache, and the rest of the class has a runny nose. I’ve been washing my hands after ever class – even after a walk down the hall. I have to assume that nothing is clean, nothing is safe, and no one is healthy.

And yet, I still manage to get infected. I’m sure I’d still get infected with a full hazmat suit and a team from the CDC. But I also have no paid sick leave (or any sick leave), so as soon as I even begin to think that I might possibly be getting ill, I immediately run out and buy a C1000 Vitamin Lemon – a vitamin C drink that is so concentrated that it will probably give me kidney failure. There is no real scientific evidence that drinking 13x my recommended daily dose of vitamin C will have any effect on my health outcomes, but there is a good deal of scientific evidence that a placebo definitively will. So, in my times of need, I turn to a little bottle of patent medicine and hope that it will balance my humors.

My housemate’s new guest (who will not leave) had a lot of opinions about the supplements required to cure my cold. According to his assessment, I needed more feminine energy and to make my body more acidic. I wouldn’t usually take his advice (because I do not like him) but faced with the choice of Vitamin Lemon, Vitamin Lemon – Collagen, and Vitamin Lemon – Citric Acid and Royal Jelly, I thought of his advice. After all, what could be more feminine than Royal Jelly and what could be more acidic than Citric Acid?

This choice turned out to be an object lesson in trusting your gut. Thanks to the Citric Acid (I assume) this Vitamin Lemon was extremely sour. Unpleasantly sour. My mouth is still watering thinking about it. But on the plus side, I am feeling better.